Paul Bradley
ABOUT ME:
"Right, ok, bio time. Let's go...
My name is Paul (obviously) I'm a human being with eyes and a face and chronic addiction to oxygen, but maybe that's under-describing myself. In fact, definitely so. If you couldn't tell, I'm the youngest of the group (19 at the time of writing with changes expected annually) I'm an actor by profession and my interests involve art, video games, philosophy, psychology, sociology, politics (or rambling about it at least) and filmmaking.
What do I write? All sorts. I like stories that comment on society in some way. Be it funny or serious, I always enjoy taking apart some aspect of modern life. I'm a huge Sci-fi buff and am currently working on a dystopian detective drama called "Data War" which I read chapter by chapter to the group as I write it. I also have a YouTube channel where I showcase my stories, my writing and my short films: https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC9kEEXHn7PhmI7K_dsqEzbA.
The work I've decided to showcase here is a short little story I wrote called "Coupons" based loosely (very very loosely) on real life events. I hope you enjoy!
Coupons
Kathy was a little surprised when the doorbell rang. The post man had already been and it wasn't like her neighbours were the type to just pop round for a chat, let's face it, whose neighbours were nowadays?
She was even more surprised to find two 1920s style gangsters standing on her front porch, fedoras and all. "Umm...Can I help?" She asked nervously, unsure of what to make of this. The two men looked at each other and began to laugh. The shorter one stubbed out his cigarette on the welcome mat as they pushed past her.
The Al Capone wannabe's paced leisurely around Kathy's pokey little home, running their hands over the cabinets and glass ornaments. "Nice place you got here" said the tall one in a New York accent so generic; you'd swear he'd been raised in a dark basement with nothing but a pile of Bugsy Malone DVD's "Real nice place. It'd be a shame if something were to happen to it".
Kathy grew more and more nervous, already trying to work how to call the police without them knowing. "Who are you?" She breathed nervously. The short one strode towards her.
"Let's just say were representatives of a certain establishment" He grinned, his unnaturally white teeth poking through his thin lips.
"The Mafia?!?" Exclaimed Kathy, horrified. The two men laughed harder and crept closer, pinning her in a corner.
"No" growled the tall one "Super-mart!"
There was a deadly silence, Kathy's face went from terrified to confused. "Super-mart? Like the shop?" The men erupted again into thunderous laughter. "No, super-mart the friggin' robot hoarse. Of course it's the shop!!!" Bellowed the tall one. The two men eased off a bit and Kathy wriggled away from them, getting as much distance between them and her before turning back. "Well, what do you want with me?" The gangsters gestured her into the kitchen, following closely behind.
"Man, there's a lotta' good stuff in here aint there?" Said the tall one to the short one. The short one nodded and picked up a standard, unremarkable glass from the drainer. "Did you get these recently?"
"Yeah" Kathy replied "Bought them this morning"
Suddenly the short one threw the glass to the ground, the smash ringing painfully in Kathy's ears. He looked up at her and gave an exaggerated shrug. "Oops, butter fingers". This was getting ridiculous, Kathy turned to the tall one. "Look, I still don't get why you're here!"
"I'll put it in terms you can understand. Did you buy these?"
"Yes!"
"No! You stole them from our respectable little company"
"What? No I didn't" The man reached into his jacket and Kathy thought he was going to pull out a knife or something but no, it was a receipt; a receipt for the glasses as well as a couple of other things. "Read it, how many coupons did you use?"
Kathy stared at the piece of paper being shoved into her face. "Umm...Quite a few, I've been saving them". The gangster scrunched up the receipt and threw it across the room. "Exactly! By the end, the shop owed you $5. What do you call that missy? Cos we call that stealing and our boss don't take kindly to stealing"
Kathy frozen in a mix of terror and bafflement. All she could do was stammer. "I...I just call it saving. I saved those coupons didn't I? Isn't that the whole point?" Another glass smashed behind her and she screeched with the shock.
"Listen" snapped the tall one "The boss is a generous old soul but you've been taking generosity to its breaking point." He reached over to the cheap plastic kettle, spilling its unheated contents all over the tiled floor. Kathy swallowed in terror. "What are you gunna do?"
The smartly dressed thugs were silent for second. Suddenly, the tall one smiled. "Nothing!" He announced and put the kettle back on its base. "Absolutely nothing!" He began to walk off with the short one. "Just wanted to remind you, you really shouldn't steal money from super-mart and that, y'know, things break. Glasses, furniture, kneecaps".
Suddenly, he stopped and turned; His eyes taking on a horrific severity. "If I were you, I'd just stick to using one to two coupons max on purchases above $50. Any more than that and, eh, things get a little dubious if you know what I mean" And with that, he turned and left, the short one following behind after the usual gangster "Pleasure doin' business with ye". Kathy just stood there, surrounded by spilled kettle water.
It took her a few seconds to really process what had just happened. This was a god damn outrage! She was gunna make a formal complaint. She picked up the phone and googled the number of their public relations department. A familiar New York accent greeted her over the line. She hung up.
© Paul Bradley 2018
